10 funny gambling jokes
10 funny gambling jokes
As writers who love all things gambling, we thoroughly enjoy a quality casino pun. We have both written and come across a great number of different gambling jokes. Some are certainly funnier than others, we’ve read all sorts of them, everything from the silly jokes that just hit the funny spot to the clever and witty gambling jokes that take a bit of thinking before you get them.
Here are ten of our favourite gambling jokes that are sure to give you a giggle.
Our top ten funniest gambling jokes
- A man walks into the butcher store and says to the butcher, “Do you like to gamble?” The butcher replies, “Yes, I love a good bet!” So the man makes a proposition, “I bet $20 that you won’t be able to jump high enough to your hand on the beef hanging up on the hooks there.” The butcher says, “No, I’m not betting on that.” The man scoffs at him, “I thought you said you were a keen gambler!” The butcher says, “Yes I am, but the steaks are too high.”
- Q: What did the croupier say to his regular deck of cards?
A: I just can’t deal with you anymore! - There are two men in a bar. One says to the other “I bet you $100 I can jump out of this window and jump back in, and stay in one piece”. The other man agrees to the bet. The first man successfully jumps out of the bar window and then back in again without any trouble. The second man assumes there must be some gimmick to the trick and says, “I bet you $200 I can do the same thing.” The first man agrees and watches as the second man jumps out of the window and falls to his death. “Jeez,” says the bartender, “You can be a really mean bastard when you’re drunk Superman.”
- Liam is walking down the street with a bag of cream buns when he runs into his friend Zayn. Zayn says to his friend, “How about we make a bet. If I can guess how many cream buns are in the bag you have to give me one of them?” Liam says back, ‘Hey that’s a good bet. Actually if you can guess right I’ll even give you the both of them.” “Sweet!”, says Zayn, “My guess is three cream buns.”
- Q: When do you hear a kindly little old lady swear loudly?
A: When the kindly little old lady next to her yells “BINGO!” first. - “I was told that there was no feeling better than walking around the casino with a pocket full of chips. It wasn’t bad, but now I’m still trying to get the smell of chicken salt out of my pants.”
- A game of blackjack is being played out. The player has 12 points in his hand when he begins having an argument with the dealer about when you should and shouldn’t tip the dealer.Dealer: “Why wouldn’t you tip the dealer just because you have a bad hand? In a restaurant do you tip the waiter?”
Player: “Yes.”
Dealer: “And you tip the waiter whether you get good food or bad food, because how the food turns out isn’t up to the waiter, they’re just delivering the food. The same applies in blackjack, the dealer doesn’t determine whether a hand is good or bad.”
Player: “The waiter brings me what I want though. I’ll take a 9, thank you.” - Q: What did the elephant say to the leopard at the roulette table?
A: I’m glad you’re not a cheetah. - A doctor takes a call from one of his colleagues late on a Tuesday night. “We need a fourth poker player tonight,” said his colleague. “I’ll be there as soon as I can!” said the doctor. As he was getting ready to leave the doctor’s wife asked him, “Is it serious love?” The doctor replied, “Yes dear very serious. There are three doctors at the scene already!”
“I bet $10 on a horse because my friend told me this horse would walk it in. He was right about the horse, the problem was all the other horses galloped to the finish line.”
Looking for an online casino to play at?
Other than land based “brick and mortar” casinos, there are many safe online casinos available to players from United States. We highly recommend BetOnline Casino as the safest and best online casino providing support for players from United States, which offers a great range of casino games and welcome bonuses for new players.